I am relentless…again

It had been twenty five days since the last time I worked out at the gym. I’d been nursing a neck injury with an essentially unknown etiology. Probably an accumulation of overuse, poor stretching, inconsistent posture and inattention. After a lot of pain, doctor visits, all kinds of treatments, physical therapy and patience, I got the thumbs up to go back to my workouts. It was a couple weeks earlier than we initially thought. I was both excited and scared.

When my doctor first told me to lay off bootcamp for a while, I was really scared that I would relapse into a severely unhealthy life of borderline obesity, immobility and weakness. So, I told myself that I would stay as active as possible in the absence of my regular workout routine. Well, it didn’t happen quite like that. Even though I had the best intentions, I just didn’t follow through with it. As the days went on, I watched my husband consistently going to Bootcamp. Knowing that I was benched made it hard to find motivation to do anything physical. I tried going for walks a few times but I could never achieve the same intensity or physical resistance that I was used to with my workouts at the gym. I felt like I was going nowhere. I could literally feel my muscles getting weaker by the day. I had worked very hard to build muscle in the past few months. And I was letting it all go to waste. You’d think this would be more of a motivator to keep moving, but for some reason it had the opposite effect. I was depressed. It’s funny how our mindset can really change everything. Unfortunately, I allowed a negative mindset to shift my reality. I was really starting to question whether or not I could or wanted to go back to working out like I used to.

So when I got approved to return to bootcamp workouts, with modifications, I wasn’t too sure how it was gonna go. I was relieved that I would be back in the gym but afraid of re-injury. My coaches and my husband were all very supportive and helpful in my transition back. Thus far, I have successfully completed three workouts with minor modifications. Honestly, I was seriously out of breath during the workouts but I survived. It felt great to be back on the mat and feeling my body move again even though I was hurting. I look at it as my body waking up again. When I was not working out, I felt dead. Now I feel alive again. After many pep talks from my husband and friends, I’m now able to walk my own talk. My intention was to remain positive but alas, I’m not perfect and I let negative thoughts get the best of me. Not anymore. I showed myself that I am worth it.

I still have a ways to go with physical therapy and healing but I’m just happy to be moving again. I’m always aware that the negative, self defeating thoughts lurk just below the surface, but with lots of support and self-discipline, I am determined to overcome them no matter what the situation presents.

calm body of water
Photo by travis blessing on Pexels.com

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